No Reason
by Empress Shellie
Summary: After being rejected from another audition, Penny starts to question everything about herself: her talents, her charms, her looks. She's still beautiful, right? Every guy she has met has fallen for her charms...except one. And he happens to be the one with the highest of standards. [This is a story about Penny and Sheldon but this isn't Shenny. Character filter isn't about a pair.]


_**The Big Bang Theory and its characters and storylines belong to Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady. Thank you for giving us such wonderful characters. I do not make money off of this so don't sue. I don't make a lot of money from my day job anyway.**_

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She had been trying to control her emotions ever since she left the studio…and she proved to be successful. She drove within the regulated speed limit, stayed in her lane, managed to give a curt nod to Mrs. Rustikoff when she'd bumped into her at the lobby, and closed her apartment door shut without so much as a sound.

But inside her home, it was a different story.

"Son of a bitch!" Penny snapped with a kick thrown onto her counter stool. With a sniff, she charged for her cupboard and retrieved whatever red she had. She gulped her drink straight from the bottle, not bothering for a glass. Feeling dejected, she slumped into her couch and put a foot up on the coffee table. It wasn't until her labored breathing had mellowed down to the normal rate did she allow the tears to run down her cheeks.

Another audition. Another rejection.

Penny wiped the tears with the back of her hand before she took another swig. _What is wrong with me?_

A few years back, Penny was the talk of her small district in Omaha. Yes, she wasn't the straight-A perfect, All-American teen but she led a life of which she couldn't complain: boys wanted her as much as the girls wanted to _be_ her. For the most part, her weekend mornings were spent on pondering whose party to go to later that night than which poor calf to hogtie. She was her high school's Prom Princess, a proud member of the Corn Queen's Court and co-captain of the cheerleading squad. She was the Queen Bee of her posse and made other weaklings' lives—well, not hell, but—difficult. Everyone just adored her which basically fueled her dreams of going to Hollywood, aiming to be a star. She was certain, at that time, that her fantasies were within her grasp.

Moving to the West Coast hadn't been a cinch. She wasn't an instant star but she'd met Kurt, had fallen in love with him and lived a life of cotton candy and lollipops. She didn't care that she worked mostly lunch shifts at The Cheesecake Factory, drafted her screenplay at night between practicing audition lines and cooking their dinner while she waited for Kurt to come back from his work at the local gym.

She was happy…until she walked in on him doing the nasties with a female client in the lockers. It was such a blow to her blonde ego that someone like her, someone who was revered back in Nebraska, would be treated like trash by a stupid steroid-guzzling creep. So she packed all her bags and was lucky enough to find an available unit in the building along 2311 North Los Robles. Penny swore it was the beginning of the rest of her life.

Five years since the move to 4B, Penny realized nothing much has changed. She was in a rut with her minimum-wage job without any promise of getting out of it anytime soon unless she'd land the breakout role of a lifetime.

At another swig of her wine, Penny started to question herself: her talents, her abilities, her looks. She can act, can't she? She'd been very religious about continuing her acting classes and she'd gotten some roles out of it, albeit nothing near where she expected her stage to be. Hell, she even did a hemorrhoid commercial so she can't be judged as picky.

She's beautiful and feisty; she's fun and socially practical. Why was her life not turning out the way she imagined it would be when she was Omaha's Darling?

At times, when Penny fully doubted her reason for being, she turned to an outlet: she would drop by the comic book store. To keep it under wraps, she made Stuart swear to keep mum on her occasional visits. And she made sure to steer clear of the place every new comic book night, just to be certain she wouldn't cross paths with any of the genius nerds she'd become friends with.

Pasadena's Comic Book Center was her new spa. She came into the obscure store not for the latest copy of some superhero's exploits. Penny turned to Stuart's shop because every time she stepped foot in it, she'd feel good about herself. With just a glance or a smile from her, a slew of asthma inhalers would appear and Penny would feel she took their breath away. Even for a moment, her faith in herself gets restored.

Sometimes, when she sank deep into the recesses of depression, she would remind herself that things weren't so bad. She might've been a server and a struggling actress, but she still had her beauty and charms. The nerds she'd met over at 4A all tried to win her over: she had a relationship with one, sort-of slept together with another, and probably would've gotten pregnant by yet another had she actually allowed him to get anywhere near her zipper.

Penny hung on to her belief like a religion: every guy she met fell for her charms. It was her superpower. Every single masculine soul had desired her.

_Except one_, Penny thought, suddenly realizing the one flaw to her conviction. And the only one she hadn't hooked yet happened to be the one with the highest of standards. Perhaps, he was what she needed. If she found out that he liked her—possibly as much as she'd hoped—maybe she'd feel complete again. He could be the crown she had been missing since from back home.

Never in her life did Penny entertain the possibility that she might be developing some feelings for…Sheldon. _C'mon, this IS Sheldon we're talking about_, she thought, even cringing at the likelihood of remotely feeling something romantic for the man. Besides, it's not like Sheldon is available. He has legally-binding paperwork that cemented his relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler.

Still, there was something she couldn't deny: she came in before Amy. For three years, she was perhaps the only woman in his life unrelated to him that he had interacted with on a regular basis. Sure, they gave each other a hard time but in the end, they were able to patch things up either by force or a sudden spurt of maturity. For her part, Penny never really held grudges at anyone. They often turned to each other for help. He'd seen her naked yet he didn't take advantage of her vulnerability. Had it been other guys, they probably would've had their hands all over her. _Well, maybe all except Leonard…_

Penny shifted in her seat, suddenly thinking of the spectacled man. _Now there's a great guy_, she mused. She loved Leonard; there was never any doubt about that. She knew he loved her so much to actually want to spend the rest of her life with her. Hell, her father wanted no other future husband for her but him. Still, it seemed different from all the other times she said she was in love. Up until that point, she couldn't put a finger on it.

Perhaps she needed something new. Perhaps she needed something different. Perhaps she needed something she had never experienced before. Perhaps she needed someone else. Perhaps she needed someone like…

_Knock, knock, knock._ "Penny!" _Knock, knock, knock._ "Penny!" _Knock, knock, knock._ "Penny!"

The signature manner of knocking sounded off of her door, as though on cue. Steeling her nerves, Penny wiped any trace of tears off of her face then cleared her throat. "It's open, Shel—I mean, _Sweetie_…"

The door cracked open, revealing the tall physicist clad in one of his signature Flash t-shirts. A smile adorned his face. "Hello, Penny," he greeted, stepping in. In his hands were a small box and a clipboard.

"Hi, honey," she acknowledged, getting up on her feet to meet his tall frame. She fervently hoped that Sheldon wasn't catching in on her plan yet, not until she was certain how to go about it. "What's up?"

"This came in while you were out," he informed as he ambled closer to her on the aqua green couch.

"Thank you," she said, then signed the paper on the clipboard. Penny knew it wasn't necessary, but Sheldon had insisted on wanting to clear his name every time he received a parcel on her behalf. "Here," she added, handing him back the clipboard.

The physicist inspected her signature. "With this kind of penmanship, it's a wonder you don't get orders all mixed up."

"It's a signature, Sheldon. It's not supposed to be understood."

Sheldon shrugged. "Very well. You have your package. I'll leave you to another affair with your bottle of wine."

"Sweetie, wait," the blonde called out just as Sheldon had spun on his heels to depart. "Can I talk to you about something?" The tall man only looked at her with a raised brow and before he could change his mind, Penny tapped the couch, encouraging Sheldon to take the space.

He obliged. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Okay…" she began, nervously twisting her fingers as she joined him on the couch. "Do you believe that opposites attract?"

Sheldon looked at her like she had just lost her marbles. "Penny, I'm a physicist. We work with that magnetic principle all the time."

"No, I get that. What I mean is…do you think people with completely different personalities can fall in love with each other?" Penny hoped she wasn't wearing her heart on her sleeve but it was a question she'd been dying to ask since she considered that she might have feelings for him.

"No."

"No?" she parroted back. "But you said—"

"The magnetic principle of opposites attracting each other only works in physics, Penny. It's not the same for people."

Penny kind of expected that Sheldon would miss the point; what she didn't imagine was how his words would affect her. It was tantamount to saying that in relationships, the proverbial 'Birds of the same feather flock together' applied to him.

"Is that all?" Sheldon asked, perhaps taking cue when Penny chugged her bottle again.

"No," she uttered after a gulp. From the corner of her eye, she noticed him check his watch as though telling her he hadn't got much time to listen to her. She decided to take the direct route. "Sheldon, you know that we've always been honest with each other, right?"

"Well…it's not so much as being honest as telling you facts."

"You've never lied to me."

"Because I can't lie to you and to anyone else for that matter. And I can't keep secrets either."

"And I haven't lied to you…I think."

Sheldon huffed out of seemingly growing impatience. "What exactly are you driving at?"

"Sheldon," she began, a hand reaching out but Sheldon was quick enough to prevent it from landing on his knee. "I like you."

He didn't seem the least bit surprised. "Well, you've become part of our circle now solely because of Leonard," he said matter-of-factly, "so I might as well like you."

The waitress closed her eyes, slightly pained at the genius failing to spot her intention. "No, Sheldon. I mean…more than that." She opened her eyes and met his sparkling blue orbs. "I think the reason I can't make up my mind about Leonard is because…I think…I love you."

If Sheldon's face were any indicator of his thoughts, she couldn't read anything from it. "You do?" he asked after some time.

Penny raised her hands up in apparent helplessness. "I know, I know, it's crazy, right?" She let out a nervous laugh. "It's just that, even if you sometimes insult me, I know you only mean well and want to raise me up."

"Oh, Penny, those aren't insults. Those are ways to state the obvious."

"Sometimes, I'd like to think that it's a sign that you genuinely care for me, that it seemed almost natural for you to be concerned for me…like when the time you took care of me when I dislocated my shoulder." Those words came with a silent prayer on Penny's part that Sheldon would remember. _He's got to remember._

He shook his head. "You were in distress. Any person would've done the same. It's not as heroic as you would think."

"But it is," Penny insisted, scooting closer to Sheldon. "And you…you saw me naked yet you didn't do anything bad."

"You know, I saw Mrs. Wolowitz down to her highly stretched out underwear as well and I didn't molest her either."

_How did Howard's oversized mom get into this?_ Still, she shook the thought out of her mind. "Of course you wouldn't. You're not attracted to her."

"Exactly. That is why I don't—as you people would put it—'make a move on anyone' even if that body was laid bare and naked in front of me."

Sheldon was brutally honest to a fault, Penny would admit. And there was something in what he said that told her he had an idea what she was trying to say and was effectively negating it in the process.

"_Soft kitty_!" she exclaimed without warning.

Sheldon looked even more perplexed. "I'm not sick."

"You taught me _Soft Kitty_. You wanted me to sing you _Soft Kitty_. Why did you do it?"

A pair of breathtaking blue eyes rolled heavenward in exasperation. "I needed to hear _Soft Kitty_ because I was sick. And I taught you _Soft Kitty_ because you didn't know it and you were the only one there."

Penny dreaded to ask, but she felt she had to know. "Does Amy know _Soft Kitty_?"

All of a sudden, the blonde noticed his face light up, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips. "Of course. I taught it to her."

Penny could only look at him, at the same time wondering if it was the alcohol or him that was causing a sharp pain from within her. "I thought _Soft Kitty_ was our tradition."

"No. It's a mother-and-child tradition."

"But I'm not your mother."

"Again, you were the only one there at that time. I could've been dying that day. I couldn't afford to be choosy."

"Why did you teach it to Amy?"

"So she could sing it to our progeny should he or she becomes ill."

She remembered it. She remembered that even prior to that status of boyfriend/girlfriend, Amy and Sheldon had agreed to have a child…and she herself put a stop to that, even if she did have a more practical reason back then.

"Why do you always come into my bedroom?" Penny asked, persistent.

"In what universe is 'five' and 'always' the same?"

_Just five?_

"Count the first: I had to organize your bloody vortex of a room because the mess was unjustifiable," he said, ticking off the items with his digits. "Count the second: I was locked out of my apartment and while it was thoughtful of you to give me your couch for the night, it just wasn't comfortable enough. Count the third: I had to help you when you slipped in the bathtub due to lack of adhesive ducks. Count the fourth: I had the urge to use your shower after you made me sit in that infernal mother lode of germs you called your chair. Count the fifth, as it happened only a few days back." As if for emphasis, Sheldon paused and looked directly at her. "I had to specifically tell you _not to hurt my friend_."

Penny winced at his stressed words, as though to try to being Penny back to her senses. "You asked me to change my shampoo that night."

"Because I wasn't comfortable with it."

"Because you didn't like it on me," she stated, as though coming to a conclusion.

"I don't like it on anyone."

"But I got you on your back, Sheldon. I got you to lie down with me pinning you down."

"It was a wrestling match. Any one is expected to be on their back one way or another. Besides, you don't think I'd pin you down, do you? Despite your huge Nebraskan build, you're still a lady. And a man doesn't pin a lady down unless he has carnal intentions."

Penny bit her lip in an effort to keep her emotions in check but was defeated when her voice cracked. "You let me kiss you, Sheldon! You let me kiss your nose…your cheeks…your chin…your jaw…"

"I had no choice. I couldn't move. You had me immobilized."

"Your hands are free now. What if I kiss you?" With that, Penny leaned closer to his face, wanting to obliterate any space between her and Sheldon. Her eyelids fluttered shut, mouth slightly gaping.

She waited.

Penny's eyes shot open when she felt nothing against her lips. Sheldon only looked at her. His face couldn't mask the confusion he was probably feeling at the time. "Penny, get a hold of yourself."

A tear finally fell from her eye and she was not able to help herself. "But…Sheldon…all this time that I thought I couldn't stand you were probably ways for me to realize how much I've developed these feelings for you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I love you, Sheldon."

"But I don't love you."

Penny wondered if there were others who heard how her own heart shattered into tiny little pieces. Over the years, she had always been the one to turn feelings down. This was the first time she had been rejected. It hurt like hell. "What?"

"I don't love you."

"Is it Amy?" she dared to ask. If it wasn't the neurobiologist, she didn't know anything else. "Do you love Amy?"

"No…but I might be getting there."

Easing back into her couch, she squeezed the nearly-drained bottle of wine back between her knees. She didn't want to be too nosey, especially since the issue surrounded her recently broken heart and smashed ego, but she needed to know. "What do you like about her?"

"Do you want me to enumerate what I like _about_ Amy?" Penny nodded her response. "How much time do you have? Because I don't see myself stopping anytime soon."

Penny shook her head. It was difficult to believe such words would be coming out of that condescending mouth. "I don't get it. You don't even like being intimate with Amy. She was the one who practically had to force you to hold her hand. She was the one who kissed you first. You even had to negotiate cuddling, for crying out loud! What's up with that?"

"Penny…" Sheldon reached out to grab the bottle of wine from her and placed it on the center table. All things considered, Sheldon was acting very mature, which Penny found quite uncharacteristic. However, she also knew what Sheldon was like when he's talking of something he's very certain of. It was also in his nature.

"What?" she demanded.

"It's not that I don't like being intimate with Amy; I just want everything to happen in its rightful time. The only reason I didn't like holding hands when we went to the movies is because it reminds me that I was the first one to violate that clause in our Relationship Agreement. But I don't hate holding hands with Amy. As for the kiss, yes, she initiated it…and I responded the best way I know how. And yes, we did have to negotiate the cuddling, but I did it anyway."

"Why?"

"Because it makes her happy. And I always want her to be happy."

"Are you happy?"

"Of course, I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

Penny shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I've always thought you were just forced into a relationship with her because of The Relationship Agreement."

Sheldon smiled warmly at her. "Penny, I single-handedly drafted The Relationship Agreement not for her benefit but for mine. I can't share her with anyone else. It doesn't bind me to her; it binds her to me."

Her eyes fixed on him, wondering where this creature was from. _Could Sheldon really be in love?_ "Do you see the two of you going on for a long time?"

"I'd certainly hope so. I still see her as the best suitable mate for the progeny that will save mankind in the future, courtesy of our superior genes." He smoothed his palms along his khaki-covered thighs. "You know, I have had many chances and many ways to find a way to break up with Amy, but I didn't. And why? Because I didn't want to."

Penny had another question and this time, she readied herself to hear a lengthy answer, as she could only expect from him. "Why do you like her?"

There was a pause pregnant with thought. Then: "No reason."

Just two words. That was it.

"Sheldon, you're a scientist. You always have a reason for everything."

"You know, Blaise Pascal once said, 'The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.' And I believe him when he said so."

"Who?"

"Blaise Pascal: French inventor, writer, Christian philosopher, mathematician…" He paused momentarily for stress and with a smile, finished off his enumeration, "and _physicist_. Like me, he's also a child prodigy."

She sputtered. "I don't get it. All this time, you science people always tell me that everything happens for a reason."

"Penny, we can easily explain everything there is about science. But even Einstein couldn't explain emotions. No one can. My mom—even if she's not a scientist—always tells me that love isn't really something you need a reason for. You cannot easily explain it. It's a result of your bond with somebody. You do not just say, 'I love you because' then insert a specific reason. You just do."

The waitress felt she'd had enough: the rejection, the wisdom in Sheldon's words, the fact that he really does like—and maybe even love—Amy so much. Disparaged, Penny got to her feet and charged for the kitchen counter with the grim determination to open yet another bottle of wine.

Sheldon gathered himself up to a stand as well, but his feet remained on their exact position on the floor. "Penny…"

"What more do you want, Sheldon?" she exclaimed. "I've offered you my heart and you've trampled upon it."

"I'm no expert, Penny, but I don't think that was your heart you've tendered but your ego. It's not my love you need to make you feel better; it's my approval."

"That's not true."

Sheldon was famous for his look of haughty derision and he gave one of them to her. "Penny, do you know why we can never be a couple? It's 'cause you've called me crazy."

"Everyone has called you crazy, Sheldon."

"Not Amy."

From where she stood, Penny looked at him with eyes that searched for truth behind those blues. The gaze that met hers was sincere and honest. In that moment, she knew that Sheldon belonged to only one woman.

"Penny, we're friends. I'd like to keep it that way." With that, Sheldon made a line for the door in sturdy strides, marking his egress.

The twenty-something woman let a few seconds pass for Sheldon's words to sink in to her. She wanted to ask him if, perhaps, she went back to school again and got an education, she'd have better chances with him. With a start, she sprinted towards the door and held the knob.

She stopped short when she heard two voices from out the hallway. With curiosity piquing her, she looked into the peephole and saw Amy and Sheldon talking. He was smiling at her, the smile Penny usually only sees Sheldon flash at Amy whenever they were discussing something interesting.

"I'm so excited to be going to this newly-opened marine park," Penny heard Amy say from the hall. "I've read that they have a set a huge portion of the park for the whale sharks alone."

"Did you know that female whale sharks are larger than the male ones?" Sheldon asked this time. "But size is not the only way to be able to tell them apart."

"What's the other way?"

"Male sharks—like other shark species—have a pair of appendages called 'claspers' that they use to grab and hold on to a female shark to transfer their sperm when they mate. It's like having two penises for hands."

Penny rolled her eyes perfectly then uttered to herself, "Oh please! Only a crazy person would have that kind of knowledge to share on a normal conversation."

"Wow, that is very interesting information, Sheldon" was Amy's voice, fading out as the couple entered Apartment 4A, probably to retrieve his bag and jacket and maybe even steep some teabags for beverages.

Amy's very words struck Penny to the core. She turned around and leaned against her door, sandwiching her hands between the lumber and her back. Biting her bottom lip, she looked up her ceiling and tried to think.

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_**Author's Notes:**_

_** I wanted to explore myself as a writer, so I decided to write about other characters and how they interact. I also wanted to challenge myself, hence this fic. However, I did have difficulty writing these two completely in character because whenever I think of Sheldon and Penny talking, I always hear the banters they throw at each other. I don't see anything romantic in it but the remarks they throw at each other works for me.**_

_**This is a bit different from what I usually write. However, I needed to get this idea out of my system. I tried to take an objective view at things and this is the best way I know how to look at it.**_


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